Out Of Control Teens

What is normal teen behavior?  Most parents are prepared for a certain amount of defiance, mood swings and rejection of the family rules.  Adolescents are encouraged by their parents to move out into the outside world, get an after-school job perhaps, learn about making new friends and being responsible for money.  This is when problems tend to arise concerning boundaries, curfews or unsuitable friends.  The failure of the child to respect previously kept rules results in broken trust and an erosion of the parent –child dynamic into an uneasy truce and sometimes outright war.

When a teenager starts behavior such as truancy, stealing, taking drugs or alcohol, driving without a license or engaging in casual sex, then it is an easy decision to intervene to stop dangerous behavior.  However, just as alarming sometimes can be the teens who isolate, are withdrawn and uncommunicative and remain in their bedrooms, watching television or on the computer.  When parents remonstrate they become even more withdrawn.  If the aware parent cannot find a way to establish a safe zone for communication, and the withdrawn behavior continues, the adolescent may be suffering from depression and in need of professional guidance.

Risk factors for teenage behavior problems are tensions in the home, brought about by family conflict or violence, perhaps because of economic instability, divorce or mental illness of a parent.  Inconsistent or harsh parenting or parental neglect increases the risk of teen behavior problems.  Underachievement at school is a common symptom and parents should work closely with teachers to understand if the child’s problems are significantly different from other children of the same age and developmental level.

Sometimes the school can offer better insights into the pressures the child may be under, such as gangs and bullies, or issues such as gender roles, religion or ethnicity.  Sadly, sometimes even the children themselves cannot explain why they act the way they do and may see delinquent behaviors as simply the only way they have of coping with what they are experiencing.   Parents and children both may feel frustrated, angry or hopeless and guilty about their failure to live up to expectations.  There is some consolation in recognizing that this is normal and that help is available.

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